such an idiot

what you guys would do when you're in the middle of some options ? some of you maybe think, nothing, it will just flow to where it belongs, or maybe you pick one and leave other behind. for the beginning, I thanks God for giving me good friends to remind me what to do. I'm so blessed to start blogging again, I can share anything, I don't have to get mad, to get sad on my private status, I can just share it on my blog, well I know nobody will read this, but at least I can talk about something that I can't tell share it even to my best friend, she knows, but not so detail, she's not the type of girl that I can share with.

now, I feel guilty, I can't stand on with just one guy. idiot, isn't it ? that's not mean I'm a playgirl. and also, now I feel because of my fault, I've lose everything. I've lose my friend, my boyfriend, my best guy ever. I don't know how to act like a proper adult girl. I only ruin everything when I'm having a relationship with someone. honestly, I already once on this position, I know how it feel to decide, to make a choice, to do something right for everybody, not just one person. but that's impossible. like, if I choose to study when my friends ask me out, don't you think it's good for you, but not for your friends? we can't do one good thing for all. it's always only one you can save.

and I don't know how the future will treat me. I mean, if I make a choice, would that make me happy ? I know there's up and down, we could never choose to be on up, but we can choose to fix everything, we can choose to grow up, and most important, we can choose who we want to be happy with.